False Impressions
by Pawprintz
Summary: It all started with a mysterious phone call, now Bakura thinks Ryou's dating...Can't say anymore or I'll give the story away! WARNING: shonen ai
1. Chapitre Un

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh! If I did I wouldn't be writing fan fiction, I'd be sipping a tall glass of lemonade in the backyard of my $400 million dollar château in France!

Warning: slight shonen ai

My first fic! Enjoy!

'Thought'

CRASH!

"DAMNIT!"

Ryou bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud as Bakura's swearing echoed through the house. 'Gods, what is he doing now?' He shook his head as he stood in front of the mirror, attempting to brush his unruly, frosty white tresses up into a ponytail. Pulling the small, black rubber band from between his teeth, Ryou rolled his eyes as another crash sounded from downstairs, followed by some more of the former tomb robber's colorful language.

"RYOU GET DOWN HERE, NOW!" Bakura bellowed, trying to make his voice as threatening as he could.

Taking as much time as he could, Ryou pulled on a pair of navy blue, denim jeans, and his favorite forest green button up shirt. Praying that the continuous breaking of objects wasn't any of his parent's many artifacts, Ryou walked into the hallway and jumped on the banister of the grand staircase of his family's mansion, and slide down to the first level.

From the entrance hall, he wandered into the kitchen where Bakura stood, glowering. On the counter there was an assortment of objects, including a hammer, crowbar, many drills, an assortment of knives, and a chainsaw that suspiciously looked like the one that belonged to the neighbor next door. In the middle of the ruckus, sat a lone, unopened can of soda, looking as though it had just barely survived World War II.

Raising an eyebrow, Ryou walked over to the counter, and with an undeniably loud "POP!" opened the can.

Seeing the look of astonishment on Bakura's face Ryou coughed trying not to laugh, and made a hasty retreat into the living room.

He could only imagine his Yami's futile attempts to open the can, and briefly wondered how long he had done so before calling him downstairs.

Ryou pretended to be interested in wiping the dust off of the coffee table, as Bakura stalked out of the kitchen empty handed. 

Having a sudden urge to ask where the soda was, Ryou opened his mouth to speak, and snorted. His hands flew up to his mouth to smother the sound, but not before another snicker escaped. Luckily the phone rang. Ryou jumped up and made a mad dash for the phone, and snatched up the receiver before Bakura could incur his wrath.

"Bakura residence, Ryou speaking"

"Uh, Ryou?" The caller hesitated.

"Yes," Ryou said slowly. "Who is-?"

"That's not important!" 

Ryou winced as the caller shouted into his ear, abruptly cutting him off.

"Just meet me at the Chez Noir café in downtown Domino."

"But why-"

"Just do it!" Ryou brought the receiver away from his ear, as the caller yelled, then slammed the phone down. 

Ryou considered whether or not meeting the person was a good idea. Upon seeing Bakura's still seething expression, the white-haired teenager retrieved his shoes and headed toward the door. 

"And just where do you think you're going?" Bakura crossed his arms and gave him a feral sneer. 

"I have to meet someone down town." Ryou answered trying to keep his voice steady. 

"Fine, but you had better come straight back here." 

Ryou sighed, relieved, and walked out of the house thanking whatever god had pulled him out of that one. It would take a good while to get to downtown Domino, but Chez Noir would be pretty easy to find. It was one of Domino's fairly expensive French restaurants, and he'd eaten there with his parents whenever they weren't off on another dig. 

He contemplated this thought for a second. 'Fairly expensive' was a nice way to put it. Whoever was meeting him there must have a large sum of money, or is either a relative of the owners'. 

Ryou snapped back to reality, he had the distinct feeling that he was being followed. Turning around, he saw no one except a few kids playing on the other side of the street, but they weren't looking in his direction. 

Shrugging it off as a sign of paranoia, he continued on his way. The caller voice had sounded kind of creepy, but somewhat familiar. Coming to a crosswalk, Ryou let his feet guide him on the familiar path to Chez Noir as he reached the bustling streets of downtown Domino.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bakura stealthily followed the unsuspecting teenaged boy innocently making his way to meet an unknown person in an expensive restaurant.

It was just one of those days.

Bakura had been following his hikari ever since he'd left the house. He wanted to know what idiot had dared to invite his hikari to have lunch at some fancy restaurant. Ryou still hadn't noticed his presence, until he stopped and began to look around. Bakura dove behind a mulberry bush just as Ryou turned in his direction.

'Good he didn't spot me' Bakura thought as peered out between the branches. Unfortunately, the kids on the other side of the street had. The three nosey little brats crossed the street wondering why the scary-looking man with white hair was jumping behind bushes. 

"Hey mister, what'cha doin back there?" A boy, about age 10 with dark brown hair, and snot running from his nose, leaned over the bush.

"Nothing! Scram!" Bakura growled.

The kid didn't seem to get the smarter idea, as his friends poked their heads through. 

Bakura's scowl deepened. He bared his fangs, and scrunched up his face in an attempt to scare the little brats away. 

"What's the matter, Mister? Do ya' have to go potty?"

Letting out a loud snarl, Bakura jumped out of the bush at the kids, who'd already ran back to the other side of the street. An old woman who happened to be passing by the bush at that moment, shrieked, and brought her walking stick down onto his head. Bakura crashed to ground, cradling an egg-sized lump on his forehead. 

With the little dignity he had left, Bakura got up, dusted himself off, and continued down the sidewalk. He sped up. Ryou, still lost in his thoughts, was almost out of sight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ryou was almost near Chez Noir. Turning around one last time, his eyes met a peculiar sight. There were three kids talking to a bush. 

Ryou blinked, and shook his head. 'Kids these days' he mused, finally reaching the chic French restaurant. 

He nodded to the doorman and entered the large, gold-framed glass doors. His feet made no sound on the plush, red velvet carpet. A waiter in an expensive looking suit immediately came over to him. Ryou recognized him from his previous visits. The man was extremely snobbish, and seemed to take delight in annoying the customers.

"Good morning er…sir," The waiter rudely took in Ryou's outfit, distaste clearly upon his face. 

"Avez-vous une réservation?" 

Ryou frowned. One of the things the waiter took pleasure in was speaking in French, when he perfectly well knew how to speak Japanese. Ryou's parents happened to be fluent in many different European languages, and had taught him to speak a few. 

Casually, he picked an imaginary piece of lint off of his shirt, and answered back. "Aucun je pas , je suis ici pour rencontrer quelqu'un." 

The waiter looked dumbfounded, but quickly regained his posture.

"Très bien, quel est votre nom?"

"Ryou Bakura."

"Ah, a very strange gentleman is waiting for you, right this way please." The man had switched to Japanese, seeing there was not point to his continuing in French. 

Ryou followed the snooty waiter who directed him to a table at the back of the restaurant, where a man sat furtively looking around as if someone was after him. 

"Ahem." Ryou cleared his throat making the man jump five feet in the air. 

"What? What do you want?!" He looked around frantically as the waiter and Ryou watched with their eyebrows raised. 

"You wanted me to meet you here? I got a phone call-

"Oh yes, yes, sit down!" The mystery person grabbed Ryou and threw him into the chair on the other side of the table. The chair, not used to being sat on with so much force, tipped over, and sent Ryou crashing to the floor.

Blushing, he picked himself, and the chair up, and sat down in it the proper way. The waiter snapped out of his stupor, and took out his pen and pad. 

"Will you be ordering now, or lat-

"Later! Go away!" 

Ryou wanted to laugh at the look on the waiter's face as he stalked off to find someone else to annoy. Turning back to his 'guest', Ryou couldn't help but notice the man's appearance. It was ninety-five degrees outside, and he wore a midnight blue trench coat, dark sunglasses, and a hat, which he pulled low over his head. 

"What?!" The man snapped irritably as Ryou continued to stare. Ryou shook his head. They sat there in awkward silence.

"Well?"

"Well what?" The man snapped again.

"What the hell did you call me for?!" Ryou finally burst, earning many stares from other patrons.

"Oh, that." The man nodded as if just remembering. "Well, I needed to talk to you about something."

"It would help to know with whom I am speaking to." Ryou replied politely, clasping his hands on the table. 

The man visibly paled. "W-what?"

"I would like to know who you are." Ryou repeated slowly. He was starting to doubt the man's sanity. The other gulped nervously, before reaching up to take off his hat, and shades. Ryou's mouth dropped open, and he would have fallen over if he hadn't caught himself sooner.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Review Please! Constructive criticism is welcome!

Avez-vous une réservation?" ="Do you have a reservation?" 

"Aucun je pas , je suis ici pour rencontrer quelqu'un."="No I do not, I am here to meet with someone."

"Très bien, quel est votre nom?"="Very well, what is your name?"


	2. Chapitre Deux

Yes, I'm still alive! ^_^

It seems my teachers have decided to load us up with homework after the weather ate up our make-up days. I actually had this written out earlier just no time to type it. So here it is!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! 

'Thought'

Chapter 2

"Damn!" Bakura swore as he tripped, and caught himself just as he was bout to fall. He'd lost Ryou, having made a wrong turn, and ending up in some remotely bad area of downtown. He let out a sigh of frustration and kicked the nearest object.

"Hey!"

"What?!" Bakura snapped, whirling around to face whoever dared to piss him off even more.

"Stop destroyin' ma' house!" A raggedy, homeless, guy wearing a newspaper hat (and a very nice hat it was Bakura noticed), pointed angrily at the cardboard box which had been so viciously attacked by Bakura's foot.

"Oh!" Bakura crowed, mockingly putting a hand to his chest. "I'm _so_ sorry!"

The man grinned triumphantly. 

Bakura whirled around and gave a mighty kick to the box, sending it flying down the alley.

"Why you little-!" The drunkard lunged at the white-haired Yami. 

Bakura ducked, sweeping his hand across the ground and grabbing a handful of some white powder that had been lying there. Taking no time, he threw the substance over his shoulder, right into the other's face.

"Shit!" he cried, trying to wipe the powder from his stinging eyes. No such luck. 

Bakura howled with laughter as the man tripped over an empty beer bottle, cracking his head on the ground, and knocking himself unconscious. The laughter died in his throat as the man began foaming at the mouth.

"Uh-oh." He whispered fearfully, looking around. Spotting a white bed sheet on a nearby clothesline, Bakura hastily covered the body. Looking around to check if the coast was clear, he ran toward the end of the alley.

Suddenly remembering something, he back-pedaled, lifted the sheet, and swiped the newspaper hat. Setting it carefully on his head, Bakura flew out of the alley like a bat out of hell.

Through a giant stroke of luck, he ended up back onto the main street. As he was about to pass another building, a flash of silver caught his eye.

There was Ryou, being led to a table further back into the restaurant, where some suave stranger sat, looking as though someone was about to run up and shoot him.

Pressing his face against the glass, Bakura glared at Ryou and the mystery guy, not realizing it's effectiveness, until the patrons who were calmly eating their lunch next to the window, picked up their table, and moved it to the farthest corner away from the tomb raider.

Bakura could see some words being exchanged as Ryou was thrown into his chair.

"Arg! I can't hear anything!" Bakura growled to himself. He needed to get closer.

Sauntering into the restaurant, Bakura made a beeline for an empty table near his hikari, when someone grabbed his collar.

"Ahem." 

Bakura choked as he was jerked back roughly. It was the same waiter Ryou had met earlier. Bakura of course, didn't know that.

"Can I help you, ah…_sir_?" The waiter asked, eying the hat with a raised eyebrow. 

"No you _can't_. Now piss off!" Bakura growled, turning back around.

"We have a policy," the waiter continued, distastefully. "Dine, or _get out_!"

Bakura grit his teeth, already on edge from the extended trip on the way to the restaurant. It would be a lot more fun and exciting to just blow the damn restaurant and the waiter to hell, and take Ryou back home.

Fortunately, (for the owner of Chez Noir), years of thievery and deceit had taught Bakura that patience indeed paid off, not to mention how much trouble he would be getting Ryou in when his parents came home to find their son sentenced 60 years to life, for blowing up a building, and killing everyone in it.

Reluctantly, Bakura let himself be lead to a table on the other side of the restaurant.

"And what will you be having?" The waiter inquired, pen poised above his pad.

"I'll have the….the um….water." Bakura wasn't really paying attention, stealing glances at Ryou.

"Water?" The waiter blinked disbelievingly.

"Yes, water." Bakura repeated indignantly, looking him straight in the eye.

The waiter stared at him for a moment, then walked away shaking his head.

"With lemon! And a bendy straw!" Bakura shouted at the retreating figure, before turning his attention back to Ryou and his mystery guest. 

Bakura couldn't believe his eyes. His hikari was meeting with-

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"SETO KAIBA?!" Ryou blurted out, before said clamped a hand over his mouth, shushing him. 

Ryou blinked, then slapped his hand away. "Why am I here, and why are you wearing a purple trench coat when it's 98 degrees in the shade?"

"It's not purple it's blue, and-hey! Let's not talk about _my_ clothes sweater-boy!" Seto retorted, sticking his tongue out.

"But I'm not wearing-

"Shut up."

They sat there for a minute, Ryou glaring at Seto, the other twiddling his thumbs and avoiding Ryou's eyes.

Ryou let out an exasperated sigh, "So what did you call me for?"

"Uh," Seto licked his lips, not looking at Ryou. "I…thinkweshouldorderfirst. Garçon!" Seto snapped his fingers at the waiter before Ryou could reply.

  
The waiter took his time coming over to the table, visibly dragging his feet along the plush red carpet.

"Took you long enough." Seto mumbled, annoyed. He was beginning to run out of ideas as to how to avoid looking into the large, cinnamon eyes of the snowy white haired boy across the table.

"Yes, and what will _you_ be hav-ack!" 

Seto smirked as his appearance, minus the hat and sunglasses, silenced the annoying bastard. He gave his order as the waiter nodded, not casting a glance at his notepad.

Ryou ordered, not taking his eyes away from Seto's face. 

As the waiter skipped away in glee at getting to serve on of Domino's richest residents, Ryou drummed his fingers on the table. 

Just as he was about to repeat his question, the waiter appeared again, this time with a pitcher of water and two glasses. He quickly poured some for the two occupants before skipping away again. 

"Tell me-

Seto's hand flew across the table, knocking Ryou's glass onto his lap, spraying his clothes.

"Ah!" Ryou jumped up as the water, the over-enthusiastic waiter made sure was painstakingly cold, hit the front of his shirt and pants.

Ryou gritted his teeth, trying his hardest not to leap over the table, and strangle the CEO. 

"I'm going to dry off." He managed to growl, before stomping over to the restrooms.

Seto sat there mumbling apologies while trying to look innocent, but failing miserably. As soon as the other boy was out of sight, Seto wiped the perspiration from his forehead, letting out a sigh of relief.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bakura seethed, glaring at the back of the CEO's head. Why did that jackass have to choose Ryou instead of one of his thousand of employees to go out with?

Slipping out of his chair, Bakura tiptoed up to a large, exotic-looking, plant some number of feet away from his table. He returned to his attempt to burn a hole into the elder Kaiba's head. 

Seto, on the other hand, had gotten a sudden chill, and pulled his trench coat closer to his body. He had the eerie feeling that he was being watched, and it wasn't by someone who cared for his good health. Turning his head, he spotted a large, potted, plant that had suddenly grown white leaves. Seto blinked, and rubbed his eyes.

As soon as he turned back around, Bakura flipped off the back of Seto's head, earning the stares of many other patrons.

Still determined to get closer to the two, he crawled underneath the large table of some guests, who were apparently, eating with their relatives. Carefully, with a cat-like ease, Bakura crawled over shoes of different sizes, shapes, and…._interesting_ smells, stopping between a pair of red stilettos.

Through his little escapade, Ryou had seated himself back at the table, dry, but still very much pissed. Bakura looked on as the two exchanged more words. Seto suddenly cleared his throat and was looking, if possible, more nervous than before. 

Bakura still couldn't hear anything over the bustle of conversation from the group sitting at the table he was under, however he could see very clearly, and what he saw next turned his vision red.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sorry to end it there, but I made this chapter longer than originally planned to make up for lost time. Now then, click that little purple button that says 'go' and review, review, review!!!!!


	3. Chapitre Trois

Sorry for the long absence, but the exhausting school year is almost over. No telling when the next update will be since exams start next week. I'll try to type the next chapter and upload it sometime. Also, I'll be starting a fanart site soon ^___^ so check my profile from time to time. Au revoir!

Chapitre trois

Ryou gave an un-Ryou like curse as he dried himself off, finding a particularly large spot on the front of his pants. Remembering the restaurant's night-time theme, he breathed a sigh of relief and pushed through the restroom doors, walking down a short stretch of hallway back into the well-furnished dining area of the restaurant.

Seeing their food had arrived his stomach gave a jolt of hunger, but it soon turned to disgust. The food was there, but it was barely done. Ryou had the feeling Seto had somehow bribed the waiter to serve their food, finished or not. Pulling out his now dry, chair, Ryou sat down and crossed his arms.

"Talk."

Seto swallowed nervously. "Don't you think we should-

But the look on the white-haired hikari's face silenced whatever he was going to say next. Clearing his throat, Seto took a breath, and clasped his hands together. Reaching across the table, he took Ryou's hand in his own.

"There's something I have to tell you."

Ryou froze, not knowing what to say, but seeing the crazy gleam of determination in Seto's eye, he nodded for him to continue.

"I…" Seto swallowed again. "I…l-love.."

Ryou's eyes widened. Seto was sweating profusely and his voice was so low, Ryou had to lean forward to hear it. "I..l-love…Jonouchi!"

Ryou fell out of his chair.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Bakura shot up, hitting his head on the table, and swore loudly. The woman sitting in front of him shrieked loudly, discovering the presence of our dear tomb robber whose head was in a somewhat compromising position. 

Bakura tried giving her an innocent grin, which pretty much failed, and came out looking perverted. The last thing Bakura saw was a perfectly manicured hand strike his cheek with enough force to send him reeling backwards.

Bakura held the side of his face, sneering, as he got out from underneath the table. "You couldn't pay me enough to look there!"

"And put some cream on that infection!" he yelled, halfway across the restaurant. The white-haired Yami flopped into his seat, sulking. "Dammit where's my water?!"

*~*~*~*~*

Pulling himself off the floor, Ryou settled back at the table.

"What did you just say?"

"I said I like Jonouchi. I'm head over heels, hook line and sinker, over the moon, looped and looped, hoot and toot, I'm in love with the boy!"

"Okay, okay!" Ryou cut him off. "So why drag me all the way down here?"

"Because, I had to tell _someone_." Seto rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing.

"And," he added after noticing Ryou's intensive glare. "I need your help."

"For what?" Ryou asked.

"On how to tell him of course!" Seto had that crazy gleam back in his eyes. "You don't think I'm going into this unprepared do you? It HAS to be perfect!" he growled, clutching the table cloth. "I _will_ find a way to confess my love!"(He was standing up now). 

"You will help me right? _RIGHT_?!" Seto snarled, leering over the table.

"O-o-k-kay." Ryou managed to squeak, leaning back.

"Great!" Seto grinned sitting back in his chair, clasping his hands neatly if front of him. 

Ryou sweat-dropped. "Umm…what exactly do you have in mind?" 

Seto's grin widened. "Many things, but I can't say or it'll ruin the effect, but for the next week I'll try all of them out on you, and you can tell me which one to choose."

Ryou considered this for a moment, then nodded. Besides, he'd already agreed to help, and was scared of what might happen if he tried to decline.

"I knew I could count on you!" Seto grabbed Ryou's hand, shaking it furiously. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"Whatever." Ryou mumbled under his breath as he stood. He liked the prospect of helping out a friend, but he had the feeling this was going to be one hell of a week.

*~*~*~*~*

At that moment, Bakura saw Ryou and Seto standing up to leave. He quickly looked around for an escape, and crouched low by the table ready to sprint, when-

"Your water…sir."

Bakura whirled around to face Chez Noir's object of terror. Upset by his plan's interference, Bakura snatched the water off of the serving tray, taking a big gulp, and immediately spit it back out.

"This water tastes like piss, I want my money back!"

The waiter gritted his teeth, "Water is free."

"Well, in that case." Bakura finished the glass, and raced out the exit like a bat out of hell.

*~*~*~*~*

Ryou eagerly unlocked the door of Seto's limousine as it pulled in front of the house. He was halfway out when a hand grabbed his leg.

"Eeep! What the-

"Just one little thing I forgot to mention." Seto leered at him from the back seat. "If anyone, _anyone _finds out my secret before I'm ready to tell, you'll be very, _very_, sorry."

Ryou gulped, nodding to show he understood.

"Great! Catch you later!" Seto winked, plastering another grin on his face, and sped down the street. Ryou stood on the porch for a moment, then shook his head, and entered the house. All was eerily quiet.

"Bakura?"

Silence.

"Yami…are you there?" Ryou walked around the lower level, searching, then headed upstairs. "Ya-mi?" he was answered with silence again. 

Ryou entered his room, but Bakura wasn't there either. 'I hope he hasn't gotten himself lost again'. Ryou put a hand to his head, remembering Bakura's sleep walking habits that had gotten him stuck in the basement, or on the roof in several incidents. Ryou silently prayed he wouldn't need to call the fire department, who was already on speed dial, and went over to his closet for a change of clothes from his wet ones. 

"BOO!"

"AHHHH!" Ryou jumped a foot in the air as Bakura jumped out from behind the closet doors. "Don't DO that!" He yelled angrily, placing a hand over his heart, which was pounding out of his chest. Bakura only laughed harder as he skipped downstairs to make himself a sandwich. 

Ryou, after recovering from another of Bakura's childish antics, searched through his clothes until he found what he was looking for. Frowning he held up another button-up shirt, this time black, only now it looked like it would fit a small six-year old.

"Yaaammmi!" Ryou whined.

"Whaaaattt?!" came the mocking reply from downstairs. 

"I told you not to dry these!" Ryou went through his shirts finding all of them much like the first.

"I didn't dry them!" Bakura yelled back, obviously lying through his teeth. Ryou threw the shirt at Bakura, who appeared at the door to his room, half a sandwich in his mouth. Ryou muttered something that suspiciously sounded like 'useless yamis' as Bakura inspected the shirt.

"See, it's shrunk."

"Nonsense." Bakura argued, jamming the shirt over Ryou's head.

"Ow!" Ryou yelped as it painfully jerked down over his ears.

"There, it's a perfect fit!" Bakura insisted. Ryou looked in the mirror. It stopped halfway down his torso. "It is not!" he glared.

"Well, maybe you should start buying clothes in your size!" Bakura glared back.

"This _was _in my size-OW!" Ryou yelped again as Bakura painfully ripped the shirt back over his head. "Will you STOP!" Ryou yelled, massaging his ears. Snatching up the forest green shirt he had on earlier, he stomped downstairs. "Now I'll have to buy a new wardrobe!"

"Yeah? Well at least they're snuggly soft!" Bakura retorted, sticking his tongue out at the snow-haired hikari's back.

*~*~*~*~*

Next Chapter, chaos ensues as the two make a trip to the mall, stay tuned!


	4. Chapitre Quatre

I know, I know, don't say it. And _no_ I haven't abandoned this story! It just so happens I had every chapter of this story carefully planned except THIS ONE! The other day, I sat down during a thunderstorm and decided to run through this part, or cut it out entirely. This is what I came up with, and I SHOULD NOT have any further problems updating this fic.

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

No really, I'm true to my words.

_Really!_

Damn You! hides head under a paper bag

Chapitre Quatre

Despite the unfortunate events that occurred earlier that day and in light of the hell that would break lose later, Ryou and Bakura made it to the mall in one piece.

"Alright, hikari." Bakura grabbed Ryou's arm and strode purposefully toward a store in the far corner of the mall. "Now is my chance to take the duties of Yami-hood seriously and finally get you some decent clothes."

"_I_ think they're decent." Ryou protested

"That's the problem." Bakura retorted, speeding up. "If you like it, its bound to be shunned by just about any person that was fortunate enough not to be born with a taste in clothes that equals yours."

Ryou would have pointed out that his opinion mattered more than any one else's, but decided it wasn't worth the time to try and understand Bakura's sense of logic. However, seeing the only store left in their general line of direction, he couldn't keep his silence any longer.

"Leather N' Lace!" Ryou's eyes widened. "I thought you said we were going to a store to buy _decent_ clothing!"

"These are what I call decent!"

"Yami!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Ryou any normal person in this world could find something they like in there."

"Really," Ryou answered snidely. "Does this world only consist of you and Malik?"

Bakura swung Ryou around so that he was behind him. "Stop arguing and get your arse in there!" Bakura shoved Ryou through the entrance, sending him flying into a rack of lacey underwear.

Ryou's face glowed as he disentangled himself from many half-completed looking undergarments, earning a number of stares from passer-buyers.

"Excuse me, aren't you a little young to be in here?" The salesclerk eyed Ryou as he tried to untangle a hot red bra that had gotten caught on his watch.

Bakura, completely forgetting he had the image of Ryou's body, and not his original one from ancient Egypt, strolled over from the rack he was looking through. "What the hell does it look like…Stephanie?" Bakura looked up from her nametag with a contemptuous glare. The clerk raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry _sir, _I was under the notion that your son took a wrong turn to the parking lot and ended up in our underwear display on accident."

Bakura chose not to reply, and grabbed Ryou's hand, dragging him to the back of the store. "Come on hikari, _red_ panties don't suit you too well anyway."

"W-what?" Ryou spluttered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Bakura said, yanking a pair of pants from a nearby pile. "That black lacy ones would really bring out your feminine side-now try these on!"

Bakura shoved the pants in Ryou's arms and pushed him into an empty fitting room stall.

Ryou sighed as he heard Bakura slide a chair under the doorknob, giving him no chance of escape. Looking dejectedly at the item in his hands, he got started.

Yami Bakura went to inspect a section displayed as "Unusual Tastes" while he waited for Ryou to come out. Bakura, being himself, failed to notice the dark shadow that appeared to come from a source other than he, nor the impending presence of the figure looming over him until a pair of arms firmly latched themselves around his waist.

"Hello Ryooooooouuuu!" Seto Kaiba involuntarily elongated the name of Bakura's hikari, as he was flipped over said Yami's head, landing with a painful thud some six feet away. "Ow! What the hell?" Seto looked up, shock registering on his face. "Oh." He concluded seeing the glowering stare of the outraged Yami.

"Sorry, I thought you were Ryou. You took look very much identical from the back."

Bakura was silent for a moment before flaring up. "What the hell did you just say!" He yelled, completely misinterpreting the comment. What could have happened, we'll never know, as Ryou conveniently chose that time to bang on the fitting stall door.

"Yami let me out. Now!"

Bakura, still raging, snatched the chair away and flung open the door.

"Thank you. Seto, what are you dong here?"

"Looking for a pair of flexible handcuffs." He waved the statement away, as if this was something people did everyday. "But since you're here, I'll invite you to lunch."

Ryou shook his head. "No thanks, really-

But the look on Seto's face plainly told him he didn't have a choice. "Fine." Ryou thrust the pants into Bakura's arms.

"Yami buy me something that I can wear out in public-and stay away from any stores dealing with guns, explosives, and any type of modern appliances!" Ryou added as he followed Seto out of the store. Bakura stared after them for a moment before deciding to follow, and after quickly dislodging the price tag from the pants.

Melting into the crowd allowed Bakura to inconspicuously follow Seto and Ryou. They finally reached the food court and found tables. From his place underneath the outstretched counter of a nearby ordering station, Bakura planned to keep an eye on the duo in the case that he would need to intervene and cause serious injury to one CEO.

What Bakura hadn't planned on, was a certain blonde Egyptian to spot him in such a compromising situation, and raise awkward questions.

Malik, being himself, decided to make his presence known by creeping up beside the former tomb raider.

"Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!"

"FUCK!" Bakura swore, grabbing the top of his head where it had just made contact with the underside of the counter. Malik smirked, dodging as Bakura swung at him.

"What the hell are you doing down here anyway?"

"Looking for my contact lens." Bakura answered smartly, resuming his previous position.

Malik crouched down beside him. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were spying on someone."

"How observant of you."

Malik's eyes followed Bakura's line of vision. "Is that Seto and Ryou?"

"Hn."

"Never would have guessed." Malik crossed his arms. "Seto's all wrong for him. Ryou doesn't need a stuck-up, egotistical smart-ass. He needs someone with stamina, extremely good looks, and a personified personality, like me. Not that I'm suggesting anything." Malik hastily added, noticing the look Bakura was giving him.

"Why are you spying on them anyway?" he eyed Bakura suspiciously.

Bakura fidgeted, avoiding Malik's piercing gaze. "Unless…" comprehension dawned on his face. "You like Seto! Ow!" Malik grabbed his head where Bakura's fist had previously been. "Watdehelldiyudodatfor!" Malik growled through gritted teeth.

"For you being an idiotic asshole!" Bakura retorted.

"But that would mean-" Malik didn't dare finish his sentence, as Bakura's fist was slowly inching toward his head. Instead he said, "It'll never work."

"What? Why not?" Bakura demanded.

"Because you don't have any charm."

"I can be charming!" Bakura declared, huffing.

"You have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon." Malik stated in a matter-of-fact voice. "Just because you like Ryou-

"Who said anything about liking Ryou?" Bakura interrupted, still avoiding the other's gaze.

"It's pretty obvious." Malik replied with a superior air. "And you're going about it the wrong way."

Bakura turned to him, temper flaring. "And suppose for a moment hell froze over and that were true, what would you know about it anyway?"

Malik clicked his tongue. "If there's anything I've learned from Isis, it's that hiding under food counter's like a pathetic fool isn't going to make the object of your affection fall into your arms."

Bakura swelled like a balloon. "What did you call me!"

Malik didn't back down. "Look at you man, you're pitiful."

Bakura deflated slightly, "Yeah I guess you're right." He returned to his former state of brooding.

"Listen, I have some things to drop off at home, walk with me and I'll tell you everything you need to know." Malik stood up.

Bakura took the hand offered to him and followed Malik out of the mall. The two headed toward a large, two-story, blue, gray, and white house two blocks away. While Malik droned on, Bakura sulked beside him, occasionally kicking cans, twigs, and animals that dared cross his path.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Damn Seto." Bakura muttered, plainly not listening to a word.

Malik gave an exasperated sigh as they reached the front porch. "You're hopeless."

"What?"

Malik rolled his eyes and entered the house. Bakura sat on a couch in the well-furnished living room. Malik's voice floated from the kitchen. "Being the good friend I am, I'm going to make myself available to answer any questions you want to ask, so feel free to call anytime."

Bakura completely missed the statement, as he was so enthralled by the small stack of books on the coffee table, a collection of Romance novels Bakura was positive(but who knows really) didn't belong to Malik. Swiping the lot under one arm, he made a beeline for the front door. "Ah, Malik I just remembered that I didn't turn off the…clothes..drying..thingy. I'd better get home before the house burns down!"

"What? Oh, okay." Malik replied too distracted to realize the obvious falseness of the statement. "Just remember what I said."

"Yeah, whatever." Bakura shut the door behind him and started the trek home. Pulling out one of the books, he read the title aloud before thumbing through the pages. "101 ways to please your lover using whipped cream, cherries, and chocolate syrup. I wonder…"

(A/N: Originally I planned to end this chapter here, but since it's been months, I decided to be nice.)

Upon reaching the residence that he was currently residing, Bakura had a most…stimulating day dream that involved him, Ryou, and the many instructions in the book he'd just finished reading. 'I wonder if he'd go for strawberries instead of cherries' was Bakura's only thought as he pushed on the door, which was unlocked, and could only mean one thing.

"Yami, is that you?" Ryou called from upstairs.

Bakura only gave a grunt in reply.

"Huh? I suppose. Can you get the mail please, I'm expecting something."

Still somewhat upset about earlier events Bakura complied, but slammed the door on the way out. Once at the mailbox, Bakura would have snatched the letters and returned to the house if a certain envelope had not caught his eye. It was a deep, velvet red, and was addressed to Ryou in gold ink. There was no return address, so Bakura took it upon himself to ensure his hikari's safety from a cleverly disguised letter bomb(yeah right) and opened it quickly.

A roar that would have made a horde of rampaging rhinoceroses run away in fear, was heard by any person or persons standing within a range of thirty-five feet. The front door never stood a chance as Bakura tore his way through the mansion.

Ryou had been washing some tomatoes in the kitchen sink when he heard it. "What in the world?" But his question was answered almost immediately.

"RYOU! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

Ryou's worst fears were confirmed as Bakura stormed into the kitchen, letter in hand.

"What are you-?" Ryou cowered slightly by the sink as Bakura stomped over to him and thrust something under his nose. If Ryou hadn't been hanging onto the sink, he would have fell to the floor in a dead faint. There in Bakura's hands, were six pictures of Seto Kaiba in several poses that would have made the author of the Kama Sutra proud.

So much typing…anyway I hope that satisfies everyone. Now I am going to soak my wrists in some hot water and Epsom salts. Toodles!


	5. Chapitre Cinq

Disclaimer: Is there really a need for this? Do you think I'd be sitting here typing this like I have no life outside my computer?

-Wait ignore that last part!

'Thought'

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING!" Bakura thundered.

"What? No!" Ryou pushed the pictures away from himself, blushing furiously. "I had no idea that those were in there at all!"

"A likely story!" Bakura sneered, waving the envelope in his hand. "It was addressed to you!"

Ryou didn't look the least bit surprised. "Was it now?"

Bakura nodded, his expression smug. 'That's right,' He thought to himself. 'Go on and tell me your dirty little secret.'

"Well that just goes to show you, mind your own business and stop going through my mail!" Ryou snatched the letter and pictures, and threw them in the trash, then resumed his cooking.

Bakura, obviously not expecting this reaction was left speechless. How he would have loved to pummel Ryou at the moment, but he doubted that it would take their relationship any further. Instead, he stomped into the living room and snatched up the phone receiver. Bakura dialed, and after a couple of rings, someone answered.

"Joe's Chicken Shack, delivering salmonella to you since 1984. What would you like to order?"

"Yeah, I'd like one Big Joe special with a side of curly fries, and a Mini-Joe action figure."

Malik, in his living room, rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. "You are truly an idiot, you know that?"

"What! You mean this isn't Joe's Chicken Shack!"

"No, you must have dialed my number by mistake." Malik said sarcastically.

"HOW DARE YOU TAUNT ME WITH FRIED CHICKEN IN THE FACE OF MY TROUBLES!"

Malik massaged his ear, frowning, before putting the phone back up to it.

"Bakura, what the hell do you want?"

Bakura went back into Yami-Tirade mode, as he retold what had happened. Malik put his fist in his mouth to stifle his laughter at what Bakura's face must have looked like when he saw the pictures.

"What's so damn funny?"

"The idea that Seto could actually get into those poses." Malik snickered. "Ryou's going to have a lot fun with someone _that_ flexible."

"Do you _want_ to die!" Bakura snarled.

"So how do you plan on countering that?"

"Dunno, maybe I should send him pictures of myself. I look a hell of a lot better than that bastard."

Malik coughed. "You'd better hire a photographer, cause I'm sure as hell not going to take them!"

Bakura started to panic. "What am I supposed to do!"

"Try cooking him something, that seems to work for Isis."

"Cook him something? That's the best you can come up with!"

"Well whatever you have in mind, you'd better hurry up. If they're in that stage, they'll probably be moving in soon."

"WHAT! OVER SETO'S DEAD BODY!"

Bakura didn't hear Malik's next words, having hung up the moment Ryou entered the room. "Dinner's ready. Who were you talking to?"

"No one." Bakura answered quickly. 'Look at him standing there, looking all sweet and innocent. But I know your secret, you ungrateful, conniving little-

Brrriiiinnnngggg-!

Bakura yanked up the reviever in mid-ring, hoping Malik had come up with something better.

"Hello there Ryou." Seto's voice greeted huskily from the other line. "How about a midnight's ride in my limo? I'll be the driver but you can work my stick."

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Whoops, sorry!"

ARRGGGGHHHH!" Bakura tore the phone out of the wall, and smashed it on the floor. Ignoring the look of concern on Ryou's face, he turned on his heel, and stormed upstairs.

Ryou contemplated Bakura's mood swings as he ate. 'He seems to be on edge lately. I wonder what's wrong.' Ryou thought for a moment, deciding when he first noticed a change in Bakura's behavior. 'I'm pretty sure it was at the mall earlier when I left with Seto. Then those pictures.' Ryou tried to block the images from his mind.

'Perhaps I haven't been spending enough time with him, but he doesn't exactly pay attention to me when I _am_ around.'

Ryou sighed. Trying to figure Bakura out would take up a larger part of his lifetime than he cared to devote.

Placing his dishes in the sink, he decided to apologize for whatever it was that he did to make the tomb raider unhappy, then go to bed. After making sure the doors were locked, and the lights were off, Ryou trudged upstairs. He quickly took a shower, put on his night-clothes and went into his room. Bakura was already in the bed, his face shielded from sight. Ryou wondered briefly why he wasn't inside the ring, then decided it would make apologizing a lot easier. Clearing his throat, Ryou spoke.

"Um, Yami…I'm sorry for whatever I did to offend you."

He was met with silence, but Ryou was positive that Bakura was listening. Turning off the light, he got into the other side of the bed. Bakura waited a moment, before scooting up next to Ryou. The hikari gave him a questioning glance.

"It's cold."

Ryou shrugged and scooted closer to his Yami. Bakura grinned like a Cheshire cat in the dark. 'Now's the perfect time to seduce him.' He stealthily slipped his arms around the hikari. Ryou's face grew hot, but he didn't say anything, not wanting to offend him again. 'It's okay, he's cold right? He's not doing this because he wants to…not that I'd mind…' Ryou looked up and he could see Bakura watching him. Their eyes met for a moment.

'Perfect!' Bakura leaned in swiftly, but his face met pillow. He let out a string of curses. Ryou sat up, listening to a soft melody that had suddenly struck up.

Without warning it drastically increased in volume. Music poured into Ryou's room. Covering his ears, he went to the window.

On the ground, a few meters below his window, Seto Kaiba stood, shaking a pair of maracas. A few feet behind him a hired Mariachi band stood, playing upbeat Latin music.

A/N: Wow it's been a long two years…yeah

silence

See, told you I'd keep updating.

; Yeah, I'm a bad liar.


	6. Chapitre Six

Disclaimer: Once again, the only things I own are a rubber band, paper clip, and Bakura's newspaper hat, which I admit, looks quite nice perched jauntily atop my head. **Like Ryou? Like Bakura? Like Ryou and Bakura Fanart? Check out my devArt account on my profile page!**

Ryou couldn't believe it. No, he really couldn't believe it. In fact he had to remove himself from the situation for a moment, then return just to confirm this was reality, and not some bizarre nightmare. At least, that's what he told Bakura, who later questioned him.

Unlike Ryou, Bakura, after assessing the situation and curving any homicidal urges, was taking it better than expected of any bloodthirsty Yami. He had finally come to terms with the notion that he was, in fact, going to _kill _Seto. After all, the elder Kaiba had challenged him first three years ago, when he ate the last piece of Halloween candy Bakura had worked so hard to steal from the little kids down the street.

Three months of careful planning, as well as _hours_ spent slaved over a bed sheet to turn it into a respectable ghost costume, only to have the last piece of sweet, sugary, confection waved in his face tauntingly before Seto's ferocious jaws clamped down upon it. Those little bastards had had sharp teeth too, and Bakura still had the scars to prove it. No, Seto had to die. It was the only way Bakura could forgive the blow to his honor.

If Ryou thought he could escape the onslaught of Seto's determination, he, well, …thought…wrong. Throughout the night, the neighborhood was haunted by long, low wails that Ryou still wasn't sure about, but may have been Seto's attempt at singing…or the slow painful demise of one very unfortunate cat. Ryou had not yet found out the mysterious disappearance of the neighborhood cats after one had clawed Bakura. Though once in a while, he was sure he heard mewing coming from the basement…

Breakfast that morning hadn't been tense like Ryou was expecting. Bakura seemed to be in a good mood, and had even made an offer to fix their meal, which Ryou politely declined. He had no idea why his Yami was so cheerful, but was sure that he should have been afraid. After about 50 minutes of silent speculation, he dredged up the courage to ask.

"Yami, why-?" Ryou paused. Bakura had frozen in his tracks, failing miserably to hide the gallon of milk behind his back as he stood in front of the basement door.

"What are you doing?"

From the intense look of concentration on his face, it was plainly obvious that Bakura was thinking up a lie.

"I …have a-a milk fetish!" He finished spectacularly, forgetting to hide his glee in thinking up one so quickly.

"A fetish?" Ryou raised an eyebrow.

"That's right!" Bakura declared, indignant. How could Ryou ever suspect him of being untruthful? It was blasphemy!

"I think it's smexy."

"Smexy?"

"Word. Dat be da new slang, dawg. Get wit da times yo."

"Whatever." Ryou got up from the table, abandoning his quest. "I'm going for a walk."

"Okay, c u l8ter rotflmaololololo!1111eleventy!"

It took Ryou some time to get over his Yami's words of departure, but like all those who are faced with the impeding horror known as net-speak he was never really quite the same. Ryou's aimless wandering inevitably led him to the park, as it would in any book/sitcom/b-horror movie flick. Unfortunately no vicious ax-wielding psychopaths crossed his path today, which was a shame because Ryou could have really used one right now.

Had he actually been paying attention to his surroundings, Ryou might have spotted a certain brown-haired CEO looking forlornly into the dark waters of the lake while standing atop a large, flat boulder. Not realizing his mistake soon enough, Ryou did not have time to hide, which was why Seto saw him.

"What a surprise, I was just thinking about you!"

"Really?" Ryou replied, not bothering to mask his non-existent enthusiasm.

"You don't sound too happy." Seto's tone darkened.

"Oh n-no, really," Ryou spluttered, catching sight of Seto's narrowed eyes. "I'm really, _really_ overjoyed to see you Seto-Kun!" He gushed, clasping his hands in front of him.

Seto nodded approvingly. "Good, because I've got something special for you!"

Ryou eyed him suspiciously. "What?"

"Shhh! Not here!" Seto looked around franticly, as though afraid someone might hear. Grabbing Ryou's hand, he dragged him off to a secluded area in the woods. Depositing himself on a bench, Seto patted the seat beside him happily.

"Please, have a seat."

Ryou, this time, couldn't hide his annoyance.

"What-?"

"SIT DOWN!" Seto thundered, eyes blazing.

Ryou almost fell down in his haste. For a moment there was silence. Then-

"Ryou-chan."

Ryou's cheeks caught fire as Seto put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer.

"There's something I've been wanting to give you for a very, long time…"

Ryou turned away, he did not want to confirm what he thought was Seto's hand on his upper left thigh. Lost in his embarrassment, Seto's current declarations of love didn't reach Ryou's ears. However, even someone accustomed to Yami Bakura's unpredictability couldn't have anticipated what happened next.

"So, I want to know Ryou. Will you marry me?"

Ryou's jaw dropped at the kneeling CEO before him. A nice-sized diamond ring sat in the blue-velvet box presented to him. Ryou put his face in his hands. This day just couldn't get any worse. Had he seen the quick flash of light by the bushes six meters from their bench, Ryou would have known just how wrong he was.

'Ding-ding-ding-ding-dong!'

"Argh!" Bakura growled. "If it's those damn kids again!" He stopped, then grabbed an umbrella for protection. Bakura would never forget the last time he'd faced them unarmed. It was an experience he did _not_ care to repeat. Flinging the door open, he pulled back ready to swing.

"Yo." It was Malik.

Bakura let fly for good measure.

"Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?" Malik howled, covering his head to protect it from the unprovoked assault. Bakura only shrugged, tucking the umbrella under his arm.

"I thought you were one of them."

"Them who?"

"You know, _them_. _Those_ people." He looked out the door fearfully. "Hurry up, they might be watching!"

Pulling Malik inside, he bolted the door. Malik could only roll his eyes as Bakura looked out of the window.

"I don't think you were followed."

"No shit." Malik crossed his arms. "Now what do you plan on doing about Seto?"

"Oh him," Bakura waved his hand nonchalantly. "I've got it all figured out. You see I-"

'Ding-dong!'

"It's them!" Bakura screamed, panicking. "I know it's them! I told Ryou we should have got that reinforced steel door! It's over, we're DOOMED-!"

"Shut the hell up and check to see who it is!" Malik yelled, frustrated.

Bakura glanced solemnly at the door, then nodded. He stood on tip-toe to see through the small window at the top.

"Fuck, it's a sandwich!"

Malik blinked. "What do you mean it's a sandwich?"

"It's a sandwich damn it! A sandwich! They've come heavily armed, we'll never defeat them now!"

Instead of listening to more of Bakura's crazy ramblings, Malik went to see for himself.

"It's okay, it's just my order from the deli."

Bakura stopped his frenzied run around the living room, to stare at his companion. "Your order?"

"Yeah, ever since my psycho Yami escaped, no one will deliver to our residence anymore. I usually telephone in, and pick it up on your front porch." He casually unlocked the door. "Oh, and tell Ryou he's banned in ordering from Mako's, Salvatore's, and the Crab Shack. Also I think Yuko's Express still has that restraining order, they can hold a grudge for a really long time you know."

While Bakura pondered over this, Malik paid the deliveryman, who it seemed, also had something else to give them.

"Is Mr. Ryou Bakura at home?"

"No!" Bakura scowled. Malik elbowed him in the side, then pointed at the package. 'To My Beloved' was printed on the card next to it.

"Oh, I mean yes, yes, I'm Mr. Ryou Bakura!" He gave a somewhat manic grin to the deliveryman. Grabbing the box, he slammed the door.

"What do you suppose this is?"

"Dunno, mawbe iz mur pishures." Malik responded, his mouth full of sandwich.

"Gee that was real helpful, thanks." Bakura did his best to carefully open the box, so he could re-package it later. Inside, was a red and white beautifully decorated cake, complete with fresh picked roses. In the center, a huge red heart surrounded two names. 'Seto + Ryou 2 gether 4 ever.'

"What is it?" Malik, having finally swallowed his food, noticed Bakura's odd silence. He soon got his answer, but not in the way he had expected.

"I know you were upset," Malik growled as he and Bakura browsed the aisles of the electronics store. "But you didn't have to throw it at me!"

Bakura shrugged. "I needed someone to take my anger out on, you were right there." He said this as though it perfectly justified his actions. Malik decided it wasn't worth it to try and understand Bakura's logic, and gave up. Oh he'd get his revenge soon enough, when the time was right.

"Oooh, pretty colors." Yami Bakura stopped, mesmerized in front of a wall full of different sized televisions, all showing the same perfume ad. Malik, uninterested, turned to watch another set behind them, showing the Gaming channel. As it went on commercial break, the top news story caught his eye.

"This just in! Multi-Billionaire Seto Kaiba is getting married! We have exclusive photos of the elder Kaiba proposing to his fiancée in Yamanaka Park!" Malik tried to turn, but it was too late. Yami Bakura stood behind him, transfixed in horror as he watched Seto Kaiba's proposal to his Hikari fifty times over.

**Random Guy:** Hey look, there's Pawprintz! She's the author of that fanfic False Impressions!

**Pawprintz:** Oh, some fans! Hi there!

**Random Guy 2:** Stone her!

**Pawprintz:** 0 0

**Random Guy:** Quick! Get her before she escapes! We'll teach her not to update regularly!

**Pawprintz:** Ahhhh! runs away


	7. Chapitre Sept

See, told you I'd be back I'm not even gonna comment on how long it's been now. This is how it is folks, there's some good news, and then…there's some non-good news. Do I mean _bad_ news? Hell no! If I'd meant bad news I'd have said bad news! You haven't been paying attention damn it! Okay, jokes aside, I'm a college student now, and as a college student, I have school work fit for a college student, that may very well be the end of my mind as we know it. I really am trying to keep up with this story, and so I shall be giving you the next chapter at some point in the next three months, yes seems like a long wait, but you are here for the quality, right? _Right?_

* * *

Chapitre Set

Ryou knew from the moment he felt the surge of anger go through his and Bakura's link that he was in trouble. Actually, it started when he left the park and people on the streets were pointing and whispering at him, however the author decided not to mention that first because it wouldn't add the dramatic tone and suspense she was going for. Anyway, Ryou was in deep poo and boy did it smell bad.

"So you know, it was so sudden I was saying to Rika," Ryou side-stepped two women gossiping underneath an elm tree.

"But who would've known Seto Kaiba would get married so young, and to a _boy_ no less…"

That sentence in itself nearly brought Ryou into a fatal accident with a light pole.

'I did not just hear that.' He unsuccessfully tried to reassure himself. However, the pairs of eyes on the back of his head and the ceasing of the gossiping women's' discussion only served to increase his fears.

"Hey! Isn't that-"

"Noooooo!" Ryou screamed, running down the sidewalk and flailing his arms as though slapping the accusations away. Underneath the elm, the woman who'd spoken gave a bewildered look to her friend.

"I only wanted to know if he'd gotten that shirt from Isaac's down-town. They had a pretty good sale last week you know."

"I tell you that child is disturbed," Her friend glared at Ryou who'd gotten to the end of the block. "I've never trusted him since my fluffy went missing two weeks ago."

Ryou knew there was no point in hoping Bakura hadn't heard the news, but he was perfectly in his right to delude himself for as long as he wanted. At least for now, he could avoid going home.

In that instant a flash of lighting illuminated the skies, followed by a rumble of thunder.

"Aw hell." Ryou wanted to cry. He needed to get out of the rain; there were only three places he could go. Malik's house was on the other side of town, and the only way to the game shop was to go past his own house.

"There's no telling where Bakura might be lurking." Ryou shivered at the prospect of meeting Bakura in a deserted alley. Looming in the distance, he could see a large manor house that belonged to his worst nightmare.

"No. No way in hell." Ryou growled, crossing his arms in defiance. This time, he decided, he wouldn't bend against his will, Ryou's determination would root him to this spot no matter how wet he got. It could hail, sleet, snow, cars could speed past at 70mph and splash Ryou with all the ice cold muddy water they wanted, and still he wouldn't budge…

Which was exactly why Ryou found himself outside the aforementioned place of darkness 10 minutes later.

In the time it had taken Ryou to drum up enough courage to ring the doorbell, he'd spent almost half an hour muttering under his breath, convincing himself that seeking shelter inside the mansion was better than freezing to death on the doorstep.

Taking a deep breath, he rang. Nearly twenty minutes later the door opened.

Seto Kaiba looked out into the face of a wet, and very pissed off Ryou. "What the hell took you so long!" Ryou pushed past a bewildered Seto and into the comfort of the well-furnished entrance hall. Seto shrugged as he shut the door.

"I gave my butler the day off, and anyway I figured if you'd rush to see me in this downpour, I might as well test you."

"T-test!" Ryou spluttered not so much from the cold as his anger.

"Yes." Seto replied, raising his eyebrow in an obvious gesture as to why Ryou wouldn't understand immediately.

"I-why-you!" Ryou couldn't manage to string a sentence together, which was lucky for Seto as it ended in threats the white-haired boy was likely to act on.

"Language Ryou-chan." Seto waved his finger in front of the other boy's face, then turned around to lock the door which was why he missed the swing Ryou took at him.

Facing Ryou, Seto crossed his arms impatiently. "You didn't leave Ryou-chan, so that must mean you really love me!" Seto had such an intense look of joy on his face, that Ryou would've blinded himself looking directly at it. Instead, he glared at the ceiling.

"Why, of why did I come here?"

"You know why." Seto said smugly as he put an arm around Ryou's waist. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes and-"

"Don't even." Ryou growled.

"Well I was only going to suggest that you warm up in my indoor Jacuzzi while I put your clothes in the dryer." Seto explained quickly.

"Oh." Ryou said, a rapid blush spreading over his cheeks.

"I mean we don't even have to get wet…unless you really want to." Seto wiggled his eyebrows.

"Only if it involves you sticking your finger in an electrical socket afterwards." Ryou said abruptly, before walking off in the direction Seto had pointed.

"Absolutely no imagination." Seto shook his head sadly.

* * *

Finding the spa room was simple enough, but even Ryou had to marvel at its size. With a marble-tiled floor, it was completely furnished and had a nice-sized fountain in the center. Classical music emanated from speakers hidden within the crystal chandeliers above.

"Show off." Ryou muttered before peeling off his clothes, and leaving them outside the door. The steaming water warmed Ryou thoroughly, and laying back he began to forget his troubles. Faintly, he heard the doorbell ring, but dismissed as the calmly playing music lulled him into a doze.

Now at this point, many of the author's readers are shaking their heads saying this is where Ryou went wrong. Some may even chastise the white-haired hikari for seeking shelter at the Kaiba residence in the first place. But, if there's one thing the author will tell you, it's this- YOU'RE ALL WRONG! MWAHAHAHAHA- ahem.

Although only half-aware of his surroundings, Ryou could still feel the warm breeze that drifted across his neck. He hadn't seen any vents in the room, nor was there a window near him. It was a small breeze, centered near the base of his neck, almost as if there was someone behind him, breathing…

Ryou's eyes snapped open and he gave a frightened yell, jumping up. Ryou's arm caught Seto off-balance, making him land on top of Ryou, and knocking them both in to the water.

Ryou emerged, coughing, spluttering, and firmly intent on cursing Seto through the nine gates of hell, and kicking his ass to boot. However, whatever Ryou intended to say died in his throat. Standing near the door, arms crossed, with one eyebrow raised was none other than Malik Ishtar.

Seto managed to pull himself out of the tub, clothes dripping wet. Straightening up, he spotted Malik by the door.

"I hope this isn't what it looks like." The Egyptian looked disapprovingly at the white-haired hikari, who still gaped at him openly. Ryou recovered quickly, gritting his teeth.

"It doesn't _look _like anything." He said pointedly a the other boy, who scoffed disbelievingly.

"Don't be ashamed Ryou-chan!" Seto crossed his arms haughtily. "We have nothing to hide!"

"Exactly", Ryou growled, wishing Seto would shut up, "because there's _nothing _going on!"

But Malik wasn't havin' it. "I bet Bakura would be interested in how you spend your afternoons."

The blood drained from Ryou's face. "You wouldn't dare."

"That's right, you _wouldn't_ dare." Seto took a menacing step toward Malik, who involuntarily took a step back.

As immune as he was to Bakura's promises of death, even he couldn't ignore the murderous look on Seto's face.

"I-Isis knows where I am." Malik stammered, hoping to bluff his way out.

"Good," Seto challenged darkly, a devious smile creeping across his lips. "Then she'll know where to find your body."

* * *

Oh noes! What will happen? Will Malik get mauled by a rabid Seto? Will Bakura ever find true love? Will Seto and Ryou get it on in the back seat of his limo? Will Yami ever stop pimping out Yug- oh wait, that's another story. These questions, and others you don't want to know the answer to, all revealed in the next chapter of False Impressions! -–Insert pre-recorded applause here-- 


End file.
